“Neither party should have a say in the other’s dressing, political, religious views or even what and when they eat.” – After 1 year in a relationship, a lot of things are reevaluated. This is is when things can be considered serious, because this is when the rules start to emerge. But what are the rules?
What do we have the right to say in a relationship after a year? I asked myself the question and then gave some answers.
Financials: he has no say in this even If he thinks that my job doesn’t pay well enough (while it does, and atleast it’s stable) as long as we are on separate coffers. We are still paying everything separately after 1 year. We don’t live together, but we know each other’s apartment and each other’s rhythm of life.
Friends: she doesn’t have to put up with them if she doesn’t have to go out with them. Nor vice versa for me. He’s addicted to people. When I was twenty, I had friends who were much older than her, and I had the best time with them because they didn’t do brain teasers like people my age. They didn’t care about fashion or the expectations of it.
If you feel like I’m spending too much time with friends, you can let me know, but you don’t get to decide who I can be friends with. I believe that as long as our life together is not massively affected, he has no right to interfere and it doesn’t matter. I offer the same in reverse.
Their past: If he tells you about his past relationships and admits that there and then he stepped aside a lot, as nice as it is to be honest, he will probably do the same to you and in fact you just got a short instruction manual for him.
There are always signs that the other person’s company has become burdensome, you just have to notice them, especially in your own emotions: for example, when he goes home to his parents for a few days, you don’t feel sad, you don’t miss him at all, you even breathe a sigh of relief, maybe you’re even a little bit happy that you can be on vacation. If you plan more and more often without him. – If you no longer have any ambitions for this relationship. – If he doesn’t want a child, but you do, or vice versa, then the big question comes: the child or him?
Also, neither party should have a say in the other’s dressing, political or religious views, or even what and when they eat. Sure, you can give advice and constructive criticism, that’s what adaptation is all about. You can’t expect much from an undemanding person anyway, but that’s what breaking up is for. After 1 year, you can experience this.
You can also only intervene in the affairs of your friends if you see that they are a bad influence on him, they are dragging him down emotionally, financially, they are drunkards, drug addicts. I can’t be more specific because fortunately I’ve never had that problem.
They say that women are more complicated, men are simpler, but I wish it were that easy, because it’s also people-dependent, past-nurture-family-and-personality-dependent. Indeed, I had a girl telling me one night how much she loves me, then breaking up the next day or disappearing without a word. They say something than they show something else or they have higher expectations than they say. Not a generalization, because the same thing happens with guys: I have a buddy who told me he loved his woman, could have died for her, said he would die from a breakup.
Then another girl came along, the gigantic love evaporated in minutes and everything was reassessed. So it cannot be said that one or the other is not worse in this respect: we are slaves to our feelings. The majority of people who have zero emotional awareness aren’t complicated or bad liars, they are just puppets on strings, and they will only realise this too late.